you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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