I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
