Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
