i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
