i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
