I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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