my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
