I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
