She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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