I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
