don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
