My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
