The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
