the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You smell like stripper and shame
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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