Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
