he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
