My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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