My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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