Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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