trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
