I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
