look no pants
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
