just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
