I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
