I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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