i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
