So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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