I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
