I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
