Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
