I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
