I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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