You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
