This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
