I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
