Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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