I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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