I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
