they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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