Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
