No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
