we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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