he told me I talked like a deaf person
I intend to get homeless drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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