we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
