will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
