Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
