he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
