the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
