I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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