So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i would punch a child for taco bell
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
