I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
