i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
