it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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