I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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