And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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