I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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