remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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