im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
