i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
