He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
