Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
