Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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