are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
