omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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