Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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