She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
