and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
