Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
